


drifting

by soffthyuck



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: How Do I Tag, Light Sadism, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-07 02:29:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18401315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soffthyuck/pseuds/soffthyuck
Summary: jaemin's in love with a boy who doesn't love him back, and he's a mess. and mark lee can't control him anymore.





	1. the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic on here so bare with me! <3

“Babe, are you coming?” Jaemin shouted, leaning out the passenger seat window, honking the horn one too many times. 

He pulled himself back behind the wheel when he saw the door swing open. Hurried feet shuffled towards Jaemin’s car, and rushed hands threw a bag into the backseat. A body landed roughly in Jaemin’s front passenger seat. 

“When are you going to stop calling me that?” 

“When it stops annoying you,” Jaemin answer cooley, sliding the car into drive. 

“It doesn’t annoy me,” he responded, buckling his seatbelt. 

“Lying won’t get me to stop, Mark,” Jaemin said playfully. 

“I’m just thinking it’ll give him the wrong idea, y’know?” Mark informed, swiping through recent texts on his phone. 

“Donghyuck… right! I forgot, I won’t say anything around him don’t worry,” Jaemin beamed, flashing a large smile Mark’s way. Mark wasn’t looking. He continues driving to dance practice, looking at the mellow colors and dreary writings of road signs to distract himself. 

“You’re drifting,” Mark mumbled.

“Am I? Sorry.” Jaemin returned to his present task, stealing glances at Mark’s messages every few minutes. Mark began tilting his phone away, alarming Jaemin. They’ve never had secrets, but it’s felt so different in the last month. They were best friends by title, but he felt like strangers. They followed the same routine every week. On Mondays and Wednesdays, Jaemin drives to practice, and on Tuesdays and Thursday, Mark would drive, and it would always be silent. There was the music blaring, loud and obnoxious, but there was no souls in the car. 

Jaemin parked swiftly, and took of the key. “Mark. We’re here.” 

“Okay, thanks,” he answered, emotionless. “Oh! Jae, is it okay if don’t drive you tomorrow? Donghyuck said he needed a ride, and I just want to be alone with him, is that okay?” Mark rambled, slightly embarrassed of the question. 

“Yeah, I don’t mind! You gotta tell me how it goes though,” Jaemin winked. 

“Like always,” Mark winked back, and Jaemin smiled, quickly fading once Mark turned around. Mark walked away first, meeting Donghyuck at the entrance. 

Jaemin sighed, pulling his bag out from behind his chair abruptly, knocking his head on the roof of his car. “Ow! Fuck!” Jaemin whispered, biting harshly on his bottom lip. He groaned loudly, stepping out of his car. Slowly, he walked towards Renjun’s normal parking spot, waiting silently for his friend’s arrival. When the familiar hum of Renjuns’s car pulled into the lot, Jaemin stepped out of of the spot, watching Renjun drive in slowly, and park perfectly. Jaemin breathed in, knowing what was next, preparing himself. Jaemin walked lightly to face Renjun, as he exited his car. 

“Jaem, if you let me drive you would never have to wait for me,” Renjun laughs, kissing Jaemin on the lips quickly, interlocking their hands as he grabbed his bag from the trunk. 

“How ‘bout you drive me tomorrow?” Jaemin says sweetly, pouting his lips for one more kiss. 

“Tomorrow’s Tuesday though?” Renjun questions, raising an eyebrow as he squeezes Jaemin’s hand. 

“Mark won’t be driving me anyway, so… “ Jaemin answered. 

“Really? His loss,” Renjun smiles widely, and exclaims “I can finally come here with my boyfriend!” before embracing Jaemin warmly, resting his hands on the nape of Jaemin’s neck. 

Jaemin gently pulled off Renjun, interlacing their hands once again, “Let’s go inside, they’re probably waiting on us,” Jaemin whispered. Renjun nodded, leading the way. 

This was how Jaemin was living, in denial. He played a fool, in love with one boy, unknowing of the struggles of one-sided love. He learned the hard way, surviving with just the smallest bit of hope for years. Then, he met Renjun, a perfect distraction. Renjun, the sweet and sarcastic boy of his dreams. A boy whom he loved, and who loved him. But, Renjun wasn’t him. Jaemin keeps going, praying that he’ll fall in love, only finding himself an actor. He can’t let go though, because his other choices feel worse. 

They walked into the practice room, feeling the burst of warm air immediately. 

“Jaemin! You made it!” Jisung shouted, throwing his hands up in the air in celebration. 

“What took you guys so long? Were you guys making out?” Donghyuck asks provokingly, laughing into his stretches. Mark laughs along beside him. 

“You caught me!” Jaemin plays along, throwing his bag to the floor, joining the others in stretching.

Jaemin takes off his sweatshirt, tossing it aside as he sits down next to Renjun. The two warm up together, keeping conversation with the other rowdy boys. Jaemin laughs sincerely with them, always able to glow in their presence. They made him feel alive. 

 

Practice ends like always, sweaty and overly exhausting, but their showcase was next week, so they couldn't afford to slow down. 

The six boys leave practice, and Mark follows Jaemin to his car, when Mark receives a text, stopping him immediately. “Jaemin,” Mark starts, Jaemin gives him a questioning gaze. “Donghyuck just asked me to a movie with him,” Mark continues, eyes glued to his phone.

“Like a date?” Jaemin questions further.

“I hope so.” Mark shines, smiling brightly. “Let’s go! I gotta get home and shower. Can you help me pick something out?” Mark rambles, obviously nervous for his date. 

Jaemin nods joyously, yet reluctant to accept. At least he got to see his best friend for a little while longer. 

***

“Which shirt looks better?” Mark asks frantically holding up a white turtleneck, and a striped shirt. 

“Definitely the white one, and wear that blue jacket you have,” Jaemin helped. It was one of Jaemin’s favorite outfits. His heart clenches as Mark pulls on his outfit, and Jaemin finds the energy to calm himself down. 

“Are you sure this is good? I’ve never liked anyone like this and I just want to impress him, y’know?” Mark talks too much when he’s nervous, but it’s always been one of Jaemin’s favorite traits. Admirable, comfortable, and humanizing to him. 

“Mark you look hot, please,” Jaemin laughs, gazing at his friend. Mark avoided the statement, always uncomfortable with compliments. “Are you picking him up, because I know he doesn’t drive?” Jaemin wondered, tilting his head cutely. 

“Shit. Yeah, I gotta go,” Mark remembered, gathering his wallet and keys, and shoving them frantically into his pockets. He grabs Jaemin’s hand dragging them both out of his room, and Jaemin’s heart quickens. Mark lets go as they reach the front door, and Mark turns around to lock his door. “Get home safe, I’ll tell you how it goes.” He says quickly, running to his car, leaving Jaemin still at the front steps. 

Jaemin’s hand still feels warm. He shakes off the sensation, and heads to his car.


	2. the incident

“Are you coming to the party, tonight?” Jeno yells, causing Jaemin to separate his phone from his ear. 

“Jeno, I can’t see Mark right now,” Jaemin confides. 

Mark may be Jaemin’s best friend officially, but Jeno was the only one he trusted with the truth. The kindness in the older's eyes was much too easy to give in to. 

“Jaemin, I love you, but you have to let it go.” Jeno started, harshly but honestly. “Mark said it himself, that he’s never felt like that before, you need to let him go. You can’t punish yourself,” he comforted, voice softening oh-so slightly. 

“I can’t.” Jaemin meant that. 

“Then you need to break up with Renjun,” Jeno said, “it’s only fair.”

“I know… I did,” Jaemin explained, hiding himself under his covers.

“You did what? When? Is that why he kept calling me?” Jeno screams, obvious disbelief in his voice.

“Yesterday, when Mark went on his date.” 

“Did you tell him why?”

“He knew.”

“What do you mean ‘he knew’?”

“He just did.”

“Jaemin, you need to get out of the house, and I need to call Renjun back, I’ve been ignoring him…” Jeno’s voice trailed off.

“Why are you ignoring him?”

“We all have our reasons, Jaem,” Jeno replied, losing interest in the conversation. “I’m gonna pick you up at 9, you have three hours, get ready, we’re gonna go to the party.” Jeno asserted, hanging up right after.

****

The large house was booming, with drunk students fumbling in and out. Jaemin was dragged through lively bodies, until Jeno let him go when they reach the kitchen. “Behave. Have fun, but behave, Na,” Jeno warned. Jaemin couldn’t hold back a laugh as Jeno walked away. 

He saw Yuta a couple feet away, and stole the drink from his hand, taking it all in, enduring the burns in the back of his throat. 

“Woah! Happy you came, but you’re definitely are not happy to be here, are ya?” Yuta laughs, throwing an arm around Jaemin’s shoulders. 

“Can I crash here tonight?” Jaemin said, knowing fairly well the answer would be yes. Yuta was dating Jaemin’s brother. 

“You’re brother would kill me any other way,” Yuta winked. 

“Well, Jaehyun’s gonna kill me anyways, but at least he’ll know where I am,” Jaemin mumbled, stealing another drink from a stranger walking by. 

“That's the spirit!” Yuta cheered, obviously drunk. 

Jaemin rolled his eyes, dragging his feet along to dance with the nearest hot guy. He just found his target when familiar friendly voice shouted him over. “Jaemin!” 

Jaemin grudgingly turned around, following his best friend’s voice. 

“I didn’t think you’d come. I heard what happened,” Mark whispered, actually yelled, into Jaemin’s ear. Jaemin pulled back, scanning Mark with his eyes, and locking on to the waist standing inside Mark’s arm. Donghyuck. 

“Jeno told me I should get my mind off it,” he lied, it was a small lie, so Jaemin felt content. 

“Well, now or never,” Mark responded calmly, pulling tighter at Donghyuck’s waist. Jaemin took that as his sign to go. 

“I'll see you later, have fun Markie,” Jaemin chuckled, forcing a smile to his cheeks.

In less than an hour Jaemin found himself, with a stranger’s legs around his waist, in Yuta’s bed. He honestly didn’t remember how he ended up with his lips on his a stranger’s neck, but he was nowhere near to stopping. If it wasn’t for two people walking in, he wonders how far he would have gone. 

The couple jumped when they realized the other presence in the room, leaving Jaemin’s company to flee. Jaemin froze when he saw Mark and his crush, both with countless hickeys peeking out the tops of their shirts. Donghyuck spoke first. 

“Didn’t you just break up with Renjun?” 

Jaemin stood up quickly, straightening out his shirt. “Well technically yesterday,” he was stuttering. 

“Jaemin? How drunk are you?” Mark spoke, leaning forward to look at Jaemin’s face. Jaemin leaned back, uncharacteristically startled. 

“Not drunk enough, apparently,” Jaemin panicked, anger in his tone. 

Donghyuck spoke again. “Did you ever really love Renjun?” Glaring eyes stared down Jaemin. 

“Babe, stop, you know he did… he’s drunk, leave him alone,” Mark whined, sweetly, but protectively. 

“Let me hear it from him,” Donghyuck smirked, stepping closer. “Did you? Let’s be honest here.”

“I did,” Jaemin lied, head spinning. Donghyuck glared, “just not romantically,” Jaemin added, cowering in fear of Mark’s reaction. 

“I told you so.” Donghyuck boasted. 

Mark sighed, calmly. “Babe, you should go,” Mark said, disappointment written on his face. Donghyuck opened his mouth to argue, but Mark hushed him as he dragged him out, and locked the door. 

“Sit down.” Mark demanded. “Talk.” 

Jaemin sat down as he was told, trying to gather the fake confidence he has when he’s sober. He took a long, hard breath. “What do you want me to say?” He sassed. 

“Jaemin, don't make this difficult.” Mark sighed, discipline in his voice.

“Don’t talk to me like a child!” Jaemin yelled. 

“If you didn’t act like one all the time, I wouldn’t be!”

“What in the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Jaemin, you are the definition of a temper tantrum. All you do is hug me and laugh and make jokes, then all of a sudden you do shit like this that make me think you’re actually fucking crazy.” Mark shouted, sending shivers down Jaemin’s spine. Mark’s eyes proved his anger, and he rubbed his face in annoyance. 

Jaemin looked down, calming himself by staring at the same spot on the ground for a few seconds. “What happened to us?” Jaemin audibly whispered.

“What?” Mark asked, voice too loud and sharp.

“We used to work so well, now we argue every week,” Jaemin informed, tears welling in the corner of his eyes. 

“We’ve changed Jaem,” Mark started, “People change.” 

The room silenced for a moment. The two both hating where the conversation was headed. 

“Jaemin,” Mark began, his own name lingering in Jaemin’s ears, “we’re too different, accept it.” He felt like he was being dumbed, but in the trash and sent off to sea. 

“I won’t.”

“Why not?” Mark asked, anger hitching in his voice anger. 

“because i'm in love with you, you fucking idiot,” Jaemin spat, leaving behind Mark and walking to the bathroom before Mark had the chance to speak. The door slamming and locking was loud, but the message was clear. 

“So you never loved Renjun because you were in love with me? What kind of sense does that make?” Mark shouted, slamming on the door a few times. 

“You call me crazy, when you’ve got fucking anger issues!” Jaemin shouted back, silencing the other side. 

“I’m sorry,” Mark said sincerely, walking back to Yuta’s bed, and falling backwards. 

Jaemin opened the door, following Mark’s path, and lies down next to Mark, facing the ceiling, and sneaking glances at Mark, while Mark avoids eye contact.


	3. tears

Jaemin woke up alone, and cold, in Yuta’s alcohol scented bed. He wondered how many drunks were in there last night, and how many body fluids he fell asleep on. He cringes physically and rises up from the bed as quickly as possible. 

As he rolls off the bed, he almost steps on a sleeping Mark. A quiet, beautiful, sleeping beauty. Jaemin sneaks around Mark’s peaceful body, and hurries down stairs, meeting Jaehyun and Yuta in the kitchen. Jaemin swears inwardly, and awaits an impending scolding from his brother. 

“Hello,” Jaemin smiles overdramatically, avoiding the scenario, moving to get a cup. Jaehyun slides a glass a water across the table, and Jaemin stops, smiling awkwardly and picking up the glass. He nods in thanks to his brother, who still sits with his arms crossed, and a scowl on his face. 

“You really are a migraine, not even a headache, a migraine,” Jaehyun groans, leaving the table, Yuta, and his hungover brother, in the kitchen. 

“Don’t worry, he’s more mad at me for letting you drink, than he is at you for drinking,” Yuta comforted, embracing Jaemin in a quick hug. Yuta starts to move towards his boyfriend, when he spins around quickly on his heels. “Oh! What are you gonna do about the boy in my room?” Yuta asks, tilting his head. 

“Boy?” Jaehyun shouts, giving Jaemin a concerned glare. 

“It’s just Mark,” Jaemin shrugged, Jaehyun immediately calming. Yuta laughs lightly, unknowing of who Mark was, but it was fine, as long as he gets out of his room. 

“Don’t you have an 8:00 a.m. class today?” Jaehyun asks, lightly sipping his coffee. Fuck. 

Jaemin checks the time and it reads 7:02 a.m., and he still has to go home and change, and get rid of Mark. Jaemin runs back upstairs to find Mark still fast asleep. “Mark?” Jaemin whispered, nudging the sleeping boy softly. Mark rolls over, and reaches forward, Jaemin thinks he’s gonna grab him for a second, until Mark just pushes him over. Jaemin scoffs, “Okay, sleepy head, get the fuck up, we gotta go.” 

Mark moans, rising up, stretching, and probably stiff as hell from the hardwood floor. “Why the hell are you waking me up?” 

“Mark, Yuta doesn’t even know you, he asked me to do something with you,” Jaemin sighs. Mark nods, defeated. “You drove here right?” Mark nods again. “Do you think you can drive me home? I have to change before because I have cl—” 

“I know, I’ll take you home,” Mark cuts him off, unwrapping his jacket that he used as a pillow, and digging out his keys and wallet. “Let’s go.”

They walk downstairs, and Mark finishes Jaemin’s glass of water that he had left on the table. Mark waves to Jaehyun, and Jaehyun waves back without words, trusting of Mark. Yuta ignores Mark, uncaring. 

The fingers curl tightly around the steering wheel, knuckles pale from the pressure. The air kept growing thicker, and the two found it hard to breathe, and lowered down their windows simultaneously. When they realized the coincidence, both raised them up, laughing awkwardly at themselves. 

Mark followed the familiar curve of Jaemin’s driveway as he stopped in front of his garage. Pausing, before he opened his mouth. “Can I just say something?” Mark asked, politely. Jaemin gave a quiet hum. “Don’t wait for me… you might never get what you want from me.” 

Jaemin’s breath hitched in his throat. He nodded weakly, slowly opening the door, and walking unsuspectingly inside his house. 

Jaemin didn’t tell Mark, or Jeno, or anyone for matter of fact, that he didn’t go to class that day because he spent the day locked in his room, eyes flooded with tears and buried in his sheets, his mother constantly checking if he was alright. 

He avoided Mark for months, only sharing fluttering looks at dance practice. He became even closer to Jeno, and even got on good terms with Renjun again, after finding out he was dating Jeno. They were good for each other, Jeno was much better than Jaemin ever was for Renjun. Mainly because Jeno really did love him, you could see that in his eyes, and it makes Jaemin wonder how he never noticed Jeno’s gleaming eyes, and if his eyes ever looked like that. 

When Jaemin was finally able to suppress his feelings, Mark walked back into his life, with tears in his eyes, and the necessity to be held. Then, three small words brought all Jaemin’s emotion crashing back down. 

“I missed you,” Mark whispered. 

Donghyuck and Mark had broken up, but that wasn’t he reason for crying anymore, not after he saw Jaemin’s face again. Mark never realized what he had.


End file.
